I watched a clichéd Telugu movie called Johnny the other day. Singularly unremarkable except for a scene where the hero takes his cancer-stricken wife to Mumbai for treatment and rents a house there. They are in an upbeat mood until the woman opens the window…and sees a massive cemetery right outside…the way her face falls and the sheer frustration in the hero’s face are priceless.
The helplessness we feel when our loved ones are beyond help is a pain that is impossible to describe. Apparently, no one I know noticed that scene but for me it was as real as my waking nightmare.
The effect is quite physical on me. First numbness and then an overwhelming weakness. As if I just wanna sleep wherever I am. And that is the beginning of my sleepless nights and hungerless days
When my mother was wheeled into emergency after a cardiac seizure, my life came crashing down all around me. Nothing seemed important. Nobody else mattered. It was she and she alone who filled my entire being. And how subjective physical pain is! It was her pain alone. Thank god, she came back to us. And saved us from becoming orphans.
It happens to all of us. We lose some, come close to losing some. Everyday life suddenly becomes irrelevant. It is as though that one day, one moment of trauma, stands alone, detached from other parts of life. And that moment is filled with regrets and inadequacies.
Heartbreak seems so much easier when we know what losing a loved one to death means. Because, when people go away, we can never make amends.
That’s why, thirty two years after my father passed away – a hazy figure since I was just a baby - I now know that time does not heal some wounds, it just shows us afresh how deeply permanent they are.
22 comments:
The film scene you descibed, sounds quite powerful and well done. I am no fan of regional cinema (if you've seen them you'll know what I'm talking about) and am glad to see people are making stuff that make people like you (and perhaps me) sit up and take notice! That's a good start, isn't it?
As for the rest of your post, I guess all of us will identify it, having experienced something like that in all our lives. But then, life goes on, doesn't it?
dear riggs,
aren't you a kindly soul? this piece was purely on impulse, born out of a moment of despondency. Thanks for appreciating something that seems so individual.
Regional cinema has its highlights...years of film critiquing taught me to remember the pearls and forget the trash.
Life does go on...but like that movie...losing loved ones makes our life "An Unfinished Life' even when we are alive.
I can relate. I lost two people who mattered the most to me in the space of two years. First my Dad and then my brother.
Cer K
Losing family sucks. Airing one's sorrow about it publicly, sucketh even more. Grief should be private.
Just my opinion.
That was an extremely evocative and sensitive piece of writing. Lage raho. May your tribe increase.
I agree with anon, grief should be kept private. There is nothing altruistic about me saying that. There is a layer of sadness in me, that as I age, refuses to stay tamped down anymore. I dont want it peeking out as and when it wishes, nor will I provide it fodder so it may do so. So attribute it to my deep seated insecurities or pure escapism, stuff like this however well written isnt my cup of tea. Give me a corny , happy love poem any day! And does this person in B Faso have a contact number?
hi hiran,
that's such a beautiful name...
I agree with you partly...but i think there is private private grief and private public grief...i would not, for instance, want to share how I came to be fired...that's grief laced with humiliation...or how someone broke my heart...that's grief with a dash of regret.
What I want to share is what you feel too. And, for me, expressing it is a way of easing it...
What do you want from the BFaso guy? He's beyond poetry...
Thanks,
Its Hiranmayee. no abbreviations. A deer I am not. Grief is grief whether it is laced with regret, humiliation or humour. It causes pain. It makes me sad. It makes me cry. I acknowledge your way of expressing it.
Is he interesting? can he sing? Is he a good hugger? :0)Qn about the contact number still stands.
Hiranmayee,
I stand corrected. But why not deer? they are beautiful creatures. I dun mind being compared to deer. Currently, people find stunning resemblance between me and the Orangutan.
Last heard my friend was in a love affair with a supermarket accountant in Ouagadougou.
Accountants are big people in BF. BF stands 117th in world economy listings and 24th in Africa. It is better than Mauritius and Seychelles.
Howz that for useless trivia? :)
hmmmmm! me and a deer? deer are timid creatures. I am not timid , nor am I as lissome as a deer. When I deign to come out of my shell, I can be occasionally aggressive :0)
He is still your "friend"? tch tch. I am really wary of that word. I find my definition of the term doesnt fit anyone elses... sigh.
A supermarket accountant? ugh, I pass. I detest accountants and mallus too FYI :0) I am a snob. I have a marked partiality for academics :0)
Hiranmayee, i'm no mallu, i'm an academician, am a snob too. Best of all, I am not in BF. Your call.
Ahh...this, I am told, is the ultimate compliment to a blog. When two readers forget the blogger and get into a parallel conversation.
And I watch on like an indulgent parent. :)
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh be still my beating heart! Tell me more anon I am so sorely tempted!
Close your eyes sleepy!
My call? hmmmm! give me a number and I will :0)
sleepy ... am reading an interesting book called "Inappropriate Men" by Stacey Ballis. Just wanted to share :0)
sigh...pls tell me there's also a book "In Appropriate Women"
:p
not unless you write one anon :0)
That would be the story of my life.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
sleepy stop grrrrrring and start writing!
walker, what's up? the creative juices dried up already? or your muse walked out on ya? git onto your butt and start writing!
boo hoo :((
what do i write????
Post a Comment